Yes Those Are My Feet!

My tootsies in my ToeSox 5 Toe Sandals

Recently I sent  a pic of my happy feet in my ToeSox 5 Toe Sandals to ToeSox.  They are doing a giveaway and were asking for pics of happy ToeSox footsies.  I have been having such a wonderful experience wearing mine, so I was so happy to snap a pic and send them a note about how my feet (left foot especially) have been doing so well, and have been much, much happier in the couple of months since I've been wearing them.  Lovely Tonya from ToeSox wrote back to me and let me know how touched they were by my note, and asked for permission to post on their Facebook page.  Permission granted!    Here is my pic, note I sent and very nice comments below.  To see the full page, go here (I'm not on Facebook so couldn't leave my own comment).  As a total foot person (hey, certified reflexologist!), I can tell you that spreading the toes in this way is so beneficial even for healthy feet.  And how nice to find out that this is a company that really, really cares about the effects their products have on their customers!  Just wonderful.  Thank you ToeSox (from my feet especially!).   ToeSox Hi ToeSox! I can't tell you how much I love my 5 toe sandals. They have barely been off my feet all summer! I have neuropathy in my left foot (from chemotherapy for a childhood cancer), my big toe doesn't work like it should and the rest of my toes were curling and scrunching together. Then I got my 5 toe sandals! I saw a difference after just wearing them for a few days. Now after wearing for a couple of months, my toes are no longer scrunched together, are not as curled, and I have gotten a little motion back in that big left toe! And the best part is, they feel sooooo good. Thank you so much for creating these amazing sandals. I would love to have a pair in the Bohemian style, if that is part of the giveaway (and you like my picture!). Then I would be able to have 5 toe sandals on my feet all the time. They honestly have helped me (and my left foot) and my yoga practice immensely. I plan on wearing them all winter with my toe sox! Namaste and thank you, Kajal (of Kajal's Malas)   Karleen Wooster, Christina Shultz Patterson, Rose Mary VasquezTorres Smallwood and 19 others like this. ToeSox A great testimonial from one of our wonderful customers!!   Heather McDaniels They are wonderful, I love mine!   Martin Collins Are those men's or just woman's. I'm very happy for this person. My big toe joint doesn't work so well also. Wanting to know. Thanks.   Michele Leonello Got a pair..love them   ToeSox They are Women's Yogini sandals, but we do offer them in Men's sizes now! You can see them at http://shop.toesox.com/yogi-mens-p134.aspx Yogi Mens shop.toesox.com Now available in Mens Style featuring a wider strap! Channel your inner yogi off... the mat. Redesigned for better fit! Pitched toe for improved rebound and walk-ability Soft and durable EVA lining Footbed . . . Select Color: SELECT OPTION; BLACK. Select Size: SELECT SIZE; 7; 8; 9; 10; 11; 12; 13. See More   Pat Loflin I feel the same way Kajal. My toes are now separated and my hammer toe no longer hammers when I walk

Clear

Rainbow over Rhinebeck, New York

It was two weeks ago on Monday, that I was very, very close to heading to SK "Urgent Care".  If you've been one of the dear ones reading along with my infrequent posts, you know that SK is short for Memorial Sloane-Kettering Hospital, and "Urgent Care" is SK's nice way of saying Emergency Room.  You would also know that I've been struggling with a respiratory problem that has been up and down, for a very, very long time.  Since January 2010.  Just about a month and a half after my eleven hour surgery.

I haven't posted here in awhile, but I've been tweeting here and there, so maybe those of you reading (except for friends and loved ones) may have thought things were better.  They actually were, for a little while.  About three weeks.  Back around February.  I thought I was through it, the damage done by the Arimidex finally healed.  But I caught a bug after that, and back on antibiotics, and my lungs being so sensitive still, started coughing again.  I started to heal, and the cough seemed to subside...and I was just starting to feel relieved...and then I came down with something else.  My immune system has been pummeled so badly, Eric caught a really bad cold, and trying so hard for me not to catch it, trying everything we could...wasn't enough.  This time, my lungs wouldn't heal.  Antibiotics were not enough, back on prednisone...which you know causes my nervous system to go haywire, totally trips up my anxiety disorder, and crushes my immune system even further.  And this time, even with all that, my lungs still would not heal.  They got better, but no, they didn't completely heal, and so I was still coughing, and coughing, and well...coughing.

I got to a point where I felt I had an adult version of "shaken baby syndrome", the year and a half of the jerking around of my body from all the constant coughing made me feel as if the connection between my head and spinal cord had been damaged in some way...feeling confused, not with it, couldn't remember things...a feeling of being in a fog most of the time.  Along with the exhaustion that so much coughing causes.  Including bruising a rib here and there.  Makes for some really difficult coughing, definitely not pain-free.

And then came that day, which was incidentally the day before I had my follow up appointment with my oncologist at SK.  I could not stop coughing.  Not for a minute.  It was so terribly bad...and I just could not take it any longer.  In speaking to my nurse, we carefully considered having me go to Urgent Care, and the possibility of being admitted.  I would give anything for this torture to end...but being admitted into the hospital...really didn't know if I wanted to do that.  As long as I could breathe, I really didn't want to do that.  So we kept my appointment set with Dr. T for the next day.

And then a very strange thing happened.  A strange good thing.  When I woke up the next morning, exhausted as I was from the really bad day before, I wasn't coughing so much.  Really, I was hardly coughing.  I was really happy of course, but relieved that my nurse had heard what I sounded like on the phone the day before, or else they would have really been wondering just how bad it could have been.  Dr. T came in and I could see the concern on her face.  I know she feels responsible for prescribing the Arimidex, and then not realizing that it wasn't my asthma, but the Arimidex, that was causing the never ending, lungs filled with fluid, cough. 

I told her it was better that day, and she looked relieved, but we decided for me to see their pulmonary specialists right away, and have me go for a CT scan.  So we set up appointments, but the first new appointment with their pulmonary team wasn't for a couple of weeks.  Dr. T's team was going to work on moving that up.

I almost felt like I was cheating on my pulmonary doctor, who has always been so good to me.  But I knew that if I would have called him and said my lungs wouldn't clear, he would have prescribed more prednisone, and my body just can't do that anymore.  Just can't.

Then another strange, good thing happened.  I woke up the next day, and my lungs were even clearer than the day before.  And I am so happy to say...so, so happy to say...this has gone on every day since...and with so much gratitude and relief, I can say yesterday was the first day, in a year and a half (except for those precious three weeks in February) that I woke up not coughing.  And today was the second day that I woke up, not coughing.  I can't begin to explain the peace I am experiencing without all that noise in my head, the calm without my body jerking all over, the settling of my stomach as the coughing would upset my stomach, making it hard for me to eat...I can't begin to explain how this feels.  I can take a full breath without coughing.  I can do Ujai breath for the first time since all this started.  It feels like a miracle, and my eyes are filled with tears of gratitude for this precious gift.

When I spoke to my nurse to tell her this good news, she was so relieved.  She confided in me that she and Dr. T were very concerned about me, and very nervous before my appointment that day.  She asked me if I had any thoughts as to why things happened this way.  The only thing I can think of was, that my lungs had barely healed from the Arimidex when I had those three weeks of no coughing months ago, and then I caught those bugs...too much for my already damaged lungs to handle...it was just taking them a really long time to heal again, to recover in that extra sensitive state.  I think that really bad day may have been my lungs pushing through a final clearing.  But we'll really never know, and it really doesn't matter, because all I know is...I'm not coughing.

So, even though I am very weak (all my body wants to do is sleep, it's been working so hard to heal), and I know it's going to take a long, long time and lots and lots of hard work to get my strength back...I see amazing possibilites in my future...being on my yoga mat, getting to class, making malas, traveling to see my family and my Guru...and I want to thank all of you for your love and support through all this, coming from all over the country and as far away as Australia (God bless you Lesley), you made the darkest days brighter and my heart swell with the love and healing light being sent my way.  And other beautiful, powerful energies that have been surrounding me.  Namaste, Jai Bhagwan, many, many blessings...and lots and lots of love to all of you.  My lungs are clear, I am not coughing, and I can really, really, breathe.     

Savasana Sunday

Courtesy of "The Daily Mutts"

Yup.
Going to curl up and watch Baba Ram Dass on Super Soul Sunday.
Then get back to reading Lucy Edge's "Yoga School Dropout" (loving it).
And hope that my lungs continue to heal (not quite there yet).
Wishing everyone a peaceful, blessed Sunday.

When You Get There

Somebody, I don't recall who, once said:  "When you get there, there's no there there".  This applies not only to location in space, but also to time: when you get to the future, you find yourself in the present moment.  So the future never comes.  Don't let the thought of future (or past) obscure the preciousness of the present moment.  ~ Eckhart Tolle

Makes such perfect logical sense, so why is it so hard to do?  Any other way is seemingly insane, yet we get so wrapped up in "when I finish this, when that is done, when I get that raise, when I buy that house, get that promotion", and for me "when I am feeling better", among a bazillion others, that it is a willfull practice, every day, every minute, to come back to this moment, and this moment only.

Color Splash!

Courtesy of Kodak Moment of the Month for March 2012

These are some of the winners of this month's Kodak Moment.  I just love all the color!  Clockwise from top left...a sunny spot in Provincetown, the Color Run in Vegas, a Medieval wall in France, and a stunning view of Venice.  My favorite is the building in France, I love the contrast of the red umbrella against the yellow walls, and the arched windows are so beautiful...along with the sunny blue sky.

Happy colorful spring!

Well Within

"I imagine a deep well within me; a rich, fertile, sanctified landscape at the center of my being that is untouched by the traumas and dramas of my surface existence, an inner stream of wellness, the source of my life force and vitality, a portal into my eternal nature...a locus of knowing that gets it already and understands full well I am on a wild joy ride... the place from which I have come, the place from which I emerge into the world and through which I make my returns momentarily, daily, and at the end of life. I anchor myself here. When my outer life is particularly stormy or disorienting, or I feel any disturbance whatsoever, I know to reestablish my connection to my well within. It reassures me to make this contact. I am reminded of the ultimate truth; that I am infinitely safe beyond any real need for safety, and that I am here for the full experience of life; the love, the joy, the sorrow...I am well within when I am connected to this well within me. My awareness of the full dimension of my nature moves to the forefront of my consciousness. I am aware of my origins, aware of my ultimate nature, I am aware of what an amazing landscape this outer universe is, teeming with richness and variety. I am aware that on this joy ride, I get to choose to place my focus anywhere I want, to choose what I will give my life force to and what I will let go to seed within me and what I want to flower. I have learned that what I focus on is what grows around me, and that focus by focus, thought by thought, emotion by emotion, I create the characters, story lines and conditions of my life."    ~ Amy McTear

Just what I needed today.  Thank you, Amy.

Photo courtesy of Amy McTear

Amma's New Year Message

"Give up all the clouds in your heart from 2011 and have the courage of a lion and a lioness for the year 2012".

Om Sarveshaam Swastir Bhavatu 

Sarveshaam Shantir Bhavatu

Sarveshaam Poornam Bhavatu
Sarveshaam Mangalam Bhavatu

Sarve Bhavantu Sukhinah
Sarve Santu Niraamayaah

Sarve Bhadraani Pashyantu
Maakaschit Duhkha Bhaagbhavet

Auspiciousness (swasti) be unto all;

peace (shanti) be unto all;

fullness (poornam) be unto all;
prosperity (mangalam) be unto all.

May all be happy! (sukhinah)
May all be free from disabilities! (niraamayaah)

May all look (pashyantu)to the good of others!
May none suffer from sorrow! (duhkha)

 

 

My Sweet Children,

Shanti or Eternal peace is the ultimate principle that governs your life. Peace is the fruit of life. Peace comes out of calmness and the inner world. So child, search within.

Peace be to the East of Mother Earth.

Peace be to the West of Mother Earth.
Peace be to the North of Mother Earth.
Peace be to the South of Mother Earth.
Peace be above Worlds.
Peace be below Worlds.

Peace be to all creatures on this beautiful and great Mother Earth for a Happy New Year 2012.

My Children, I love you so much from the bottom of my heart.

Your Amma,

Karunamayi

 

 

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu

May all beings in all the beautiful realms be happy

Om Shantih Shantih Shantihi

May all beings everywhere be peaceful
  

 

 

 

 

All words and images courtesy of Amma Sri Karunamayi