Electricity, Antibiotics, and Equanimity

My backyard at about 5pm Saturday, with only about a quarter of the total snow that had fallen by Sunday morning, right before the power went out

We are still without power, but the good news is that we have just found out that our "estimated restoration" has been moved up from Wednesday at 11pm to tomorrow at 11pm.  That will make a world of difference.  The Saturday overnight hours were quite a challenge.  Because we basically live in a pine forest, and are surrounded by many, many trees, we spent the night listening to the continuous cracking of trees and their limbs breaking down all around us.  With every crack there was the tensing and the fraction of a second where you are wondering if a mighty pine will come crashing through the roof, and then the wait for the thud to get an idea of where it may have landed.  Since we did have a bit of damage from just such a thing from the big ice storm a few months ago, I guess you can say we have a little PTSD about it.  We woke to find four very large limbs down, very close to the house, so we feel very blessed to come out unschathed in that way.  We received at least a foot of snow when it was all over.

Our cell phone service also went out Saturday, not long after the power went out.  So, no communication whatsoever.  It was so eerie.  Sunday by early afternoon we were able to venture out, and the damage in my area of Dutchess County, New York was just unbelievable.  There were trees and limbs down everywhere, power lines dangling everywhere.  Really, in October?

We were able to drive far enough to get some cell service and to call our families.  A call to Verizon and we found that a major tower had gone down and they were working on it.  I had service back by about 8pm last night, which was settling to be able to be in touch with family and friends again.

We have been blessed with sunny, 50 degree weather yesterday and today, so our little brick abode has been taking that in and staying warm enough for us to stay.  Today we ventured out to our local Panera for hot food and tea, wifi and sunny windows (thank you Panera, you never let us down!).

And so you would think that the weekend I just described would have been quite a challenge just the way it was...but unfortunately I have to add the fact that as I started tapering down on the prednisone (again), my symptoms started to flare (again).  The combination of it all became overwhelming at one point.  I really started to feel I just didn't want to be here anymore, I could manage storms and power outages and even falling trees around me, but not being able to breathe properly since late January had really started to take it's toll.

And then, at some point yesterday, as I was coughing and coughing, in the dark, wrapped in blankets and hat and scarf...it all just, well...eased.  It is difficult to explain.  I thought of something Gurudev said during his birthday celebration...that Krishna was asked, what is the true nature of the yogi...Krishna replied..."...lives in state of equanimity under all opposing conditions".  And somewhere inside, I accepted that this was all I had to do.  Accept that these were my "opposing conditions", and they were all things I had no control over.  What I did have control over though, was how I would respond to them.  I would pull out my book light, immerse myself in a book (Aleph by Paolo Coelho, which was wonderful).  The word "equanimity" became like a mantra, and everything softened.

My mountain man was running around trying to charge battery packs using the car, to get us some bit of light and maybe start the electric heater, and was not having much success.  He saw me, calmly accepting the situation as it was, reading with my book light, and was inspired to do the same.  It was a calm, peaceful evening.

I increased my prednisone evening dose, called my doctor this morning, and we decided that the next step was for an antibiotic, to rule out the possibility that through all this I had picked up a bug that was not allowing my lungs to heal.  This will be my last step before heading into NYC to my friends at Sloan Kettering, so I would so appreciate any prayers and healing light that can be sent my way.  And, if you could add a power restore by tomorrow evening, that would be so appreciated too.