So Sad.
Yesterday was a very difficult day, one in a stream of very many very difficult days. I had to cancel my trip to Florida. I was supposed to leave this coming Monday, October 10th, spend ten days with my Dad in Jacksonville and visiting with my brothers and niece and nephew, then travel along to my Guru's ashram in Salt Springs (near Ocala) where I was going to spend ten days becoming a Yoga Nidra Facilitator. Ten days with my Guru and lots of Yoga Nidra...oh what that would have meant for me. It was a well laid out plan that was concieved in mid-August, when it seemed as though the respiratory problem I've been having was subsiding. But it got worse again in early September, and as you know if you've read my (novel length) last post, it turned out that a medicine I was taking was causing the problem.
So I've been off of this medicine for about three weeks now, and while I did see an improvement right away (hence speaking to soon), I got to a point where my lungs were much better, but still not healed. I was still doing a lot of coughing. And I never had the chance to regain my strength (I thought I was going to have at least a month and a half for that). After nine months of coughing, I am utterly and completely exhausted, I feel completely beaten up.
After speaking with my pulmonary doctor yesterday, we decided that my lungs need some extra help to completely clear. I picked up my prescription for Medrol (methylprednisolone) yesterday and got it started. I'm not happy about this, it will compromise my immune system and aggravate my nervous system, but not nearly as badly as prednisone would. So fingers crossed that the Medrol will do the trick, and that I won't have to do a round of prednisone once the Medrol is done.
In a way I'm relieved that the decision is finally made that I'm not making the trip...struggling with the decision for so long was really taking it's toll on me. But I'm really sad. Working on acceptance that I'm still in this place, but still...really sad.
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